Why?

I can't keep living life like this . I'm a shell of who I am . Im not supposed to have emotions anymore , I can't express myself. Im to bottle my emotions till they tear me apart violently. I'm a shattered shell of myself.... the tears are my only friends.... the rhythm of my heart beat is making me paranoid.... but I stay for the sake of true love... <\3 but what is true love if there is only pain and sorrow later?